


I should be over all the butterflies

by doromi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Blushing, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:41:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22581196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doromi/pseuds/doromi
Summary: Jisung shouldn't feel these butterflies whenever Renjun’s around, and even if been some time since they've started dating, he still can't handle a chaste kiss without giggling.And he kind of hates it, especially when he wants to kiss him more, but doesn't want to be a nuisance, and doesn't have the guts to tell him about it.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Park Jisung
Comments: 9
Kudos: 98





	I should be over all the butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> Pumped this bby out in two days, completely forgot about writing get something for Jisung’s B-day.  
> Title from Paramore's "Still Into You"  
> Hope it's good, and if the writing's eh, it's because I kind of rushed. Happy belated birthday to Jisung, even though in the U.S. it's still the 5th.  
> This is a sequel to "Shining In My Eyes (You're too dazzling, I'll let it be) before anyone gets confused.

Jisung Park, shouldn't feel like there's a million butterflies in his stomach when he's near Renjun. And yet, whenever they kiss, it's like Jisung can't help but feel all giddy, when Renjun’s lips touch his.

It’s been some time since they've been dating, but, to Jisung, it's like it was only yesterday when they stopped dancing around the topic. He still gets flustered whenever Renjun looks his way, whenever Renjun laughs his absolute ass off because Jisung can't stop the blood rushing to his ears, neck, and face. Jisung’s face is not what you call good at hiding things, like color, because one look at his salmon pink face and you knew.

He dies a little bit inside, when the word, _“Baby”_ is uttered by the elder. Sometimes, just sometimes, Jisung is courageous enough to say the word back, but it never has the same effect it has on him. Or maybe he's too busy getting lost in Renjun’s twinkling eyes to even notice.

All in all, Jisung Park is still a complete and utter mess when it comes to Huang Renjun. And that's okay, because he’s Huang Renjun’s complete and utter mess.

  
  
  
  


He's not good at not giggling when Renjun presses his lips to his own, but it's a reflex. Renjun’s soft, cloud-like lips tickle him, and it just bubbles up. So they only share a chaste kiss because Jisung is too much of a fool to hold it in, and it always leads to tickle fights. Jisung Park is ticklish, and does Huang Renjun use it to his advantage. Renjun’s quick fingers poking at him leave him wheezing and on the brink of tears, spent because trying to avoid his hands takes a lot of energy.

  
  
  


But Jisung wants to kiss Renjun a little more, to hold Renjun by the waist, and to take in the sweet scent of laundry detergent and cologne, kiss until he can basically taste Renjun’s mango flavored balm. But he doesn't want to ask, doesn't want to be a burden because God knows how long he’s kept Renjun in a never ending cycle because he couldn't get his head out of his ass. So he represses it.

  
  


And maybe that's not so great, because there's moments where Jisung doesn't know whether to stare or to lean into him. There’s moments where he can obviously see Renjun gazing at him, in the lovey dovey way couples do, and it's just the right moment to make a move, with consent of course, but Jisung’s mind urges him to do something, though it's as if his body didn't get the memo.

  
  


“Renjun hyung, can I ask you something?” He says one day, staring up at the ceiling.

“What is it that is on your mind, Jisungie?” And Renjun opens up his palm, traces over the lines, calmly.

Jisung has to mentally prep himself for this talk, “Is it bad to repress something? Like because that something is something you're too afraid to talk about?”

Renjun sits up, hair disheveled and it pulls at Jisung's heartstrings.

“It is bad to repress things, and it's bad to hold in everything you want to talk about, so is there anything you might want to talk about? Get my insight?” Jisung wants to say something, tell Renjun that it's nothing to worry about, tell him that he's just being a coward because he doesn't have the guts to ask to kiss him. But he's also being a coward for not wanting to tell him that he's being a coward.

Jisung’s eyes squint, and he pushes his leg up, there's awkward silence. Or at least he thinks so.

“It's really nothing, hyung. But, can we talk later? I don't feel comfortable, even after asking you.” Jisung decides, because he can't possibly utter any words, because whatever _this_ is shouldn't bother him. It wouldn't be a burden for Renjun to plant a kiss, or two.

“Okay, then we'll talk later.” Renjun says, and Jisung wants nothing more than to curl up into a ball and stay like that. Jisung Park doesn't want to face the problem, and he definitely doesn't want to have to face Renjun.

  
  


_“Later”_ turns into a few days after. Renjun seems not to have difficulty with that, but he's been reassuring Jisung everyday by rubbing at his wrist bone, gently. They're at Donghyuck’s, the usual. But Donghyuck isn't there in the kitchen with them, to gag at one glance of them, not even touching.

Renjun’s cooking for Jisung, and his mouth is watering at the smell of the food. His stomach churns when he thinks about a few days prior. Renjun seems to pick up on Jisung’s facial expressions, because his eyebrow quirks up and he taps his arm.

“You good?”

Jisung immediately stops slouching, going, “Yeah” and he doesn't like having the spotlight on him. Makes him even more jittery. Time passes by, courtesy of Jisung spacing out for a majority of it, and then they're eating. Renjun is sitting across from him, but he can hardly look at him. He stares into the puddle of soup, and he takes a spoonful. It's delicious, the broth with the tender meat and the vegetables, it's like Renjun was born with a chef hat and spoon in his hands. It makes him a little envious, with the fact that Renjun has those golden hands, and he has his clumsy ones. Too bad if he's a tinesy jealous, it's a shame because the food’s too good to be true.

  
  
  


“Jisung, do you want to talk now?” And Jisung’s spoon almost falls out of his hand.

“I mean, if you want to, hyung.”

“Jisung, if you're up for it, then I am too, but unless you're not, then it's completely fine.” Jisung wants to yell on the top of his lungs, that Renjun is an oblivious idiot and he just wants to kiss him, but he can't.

“Maybe not right now, hyung. I don't think I'm ready yet.” Jisung feels like a disappointment, and he has his hyung waiting, yet again, for god knows how long this time.

“Well, if you aren't ready yet, then it's fine.” Renjun finishes it off with a smile that has all the worry melting away, and Jisung shyly nods, because Renjun is so caring, he wants to give him the entire galaxy.

  
  
  
  


The next few days are more laidback, and Jisung craves some sort of affection, and he's still too frightened to ask. He doesn't want to come off as too clingy and needy, because surely Renjun would not like that. He wants to hold his hand, and cuddle, but is it too sudden? Is he moving too fast?

  
  


Renjun kisses him a few times in the small time period, not too quick but lingering, a tingly sensation, and he wants more. But it's no good to be greedy, to take and take even more, when Renjun puts the most effort in. Jisung’s too much of a scaredy cat, too insecure of how Renjun’s thought process might be like, and he can't do anything about it. He keeps on running away, in hope that one day it will blow over.

  
  
  
  


Jisung thinks he's a little too much, for Renjun of course. He wants so bad, but he has to restrain himself, because Renjun has better things to tend to than to kiss him. Renjun doesn't need to wake up everyday knowing that his boyfriend can't tell him shit because he's scared, Renjun deserves better, but how can Jisung give that to him, if he can't open up about wanting to kiss?

  
  
  


“Hyung, I think I'm ready to tell you.” Jisung announces on a cloudy Thursday, sipping his water.

Renjun just glances at him, and puts down his laptop, giving all his attention to the younger boy.

“It's, I just wanted to tell you that maybe I wanted to kiss you more, but I've been too afraid to say anything, I mean it really isn't anything, but-” Jisung’s sweating, his shirt stuck sticky to his back, and Renjun’s eyes are staring at him, studying.

“Jisung, slow down, you need to breathe.” Renjun calmly says, and Jisung’s mouth literally has little to none saliva, his tongue dry and in terrible need of water to quench his thirst. He takes another sip.

“Hyung, I- I've been aching to tell you, that I want to kiss you just a bit more, but I wouldn't want to create a nuisance. I'm sorry for not opening up early, but regarding the circumstance, I couldn't do much.” Jisung’s voice cracks, and he's so ashamed, that he's making a big deal out the tiniest thing.

“Jisung, you're not a nuisance nor were you going to create one. I know it's hard to open up to people, especially since things might be foreign to some, but just know, that I'll be here for you.” And Renjun is great at making him feel a hundred times better, but why at this exact moment is Jisung blushing?

“I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be disturbing you and anything of yours, hyung.” Renjun grins at this statement, and gets up, going over to him, his fingers tickling at his chin. The world is a much better place with a smiling Jisung, who’s shying away from his hands.

Renjun, who’s looking at him with that glint in his eyes, dazzling, “Jisung, all you had to do was ask.” And Jisung wants to ask, but his mouth isn't letting him.

The universe decides that maybe it's on Jisung’s side once more, and the words form easily, “Renjun hyung, can I kiss you?” His bangs blocking Renjun from seeing those eyes that are puppy eyed for no reason, it's cute, and Jisung is way too cute to say no to.

His head shakes once up and down, and Jisung hesitantly places his arms around Renjun’s neck, pulling himself downwards to reach Renjun, eye level. His hands are noticeably shaking, but Renjun’s reassuring gaze makes him feel at ease. He’s leaning in, the swell of their lips grazing each other's, and Renjun tilts his head up to close the gap. It's perfect, and he misses this. Renjun moves his head, and he presses his lips to Jisung’s with a little more pressure, and Jisung feels light-headed. Renjun tastes exactly he thought he would: of mangoes with the slight spice of ramyun.

  
  


Jisung is gaping like a fish out of water, when Renjun’s lips meet his own, because the wind is knocked out of him, but it feels right. Renjun’s soft like clouds and cotton candy mouth is so much different when they've actually been in this position for longer than a millisecond.

Jisung’s so eager, and it's adorable, the way he responses to Renjun’s kissing. Renjun knows Jisung was surprised when he kissed a tad bit harder, but he tightens his hold around his neck, and lets Renjun do so, even if he needs some catching up with him.

Renjun places one last peck to the corner of his lower lip, before he separates from him. Jisung looks at him, the way the color inside of his lower lip darkened, and the way that stupid grin is playing onto his mouth. The way his dimple shadows over his cheek, makes Jisung want to kiss him once more.

Jisung’s face is dusted with a hue of scarlet, and his lips are kissed to perfection. Renjun would like to kiss him more, but they have all the time in the world to do so.

  
  


“See, Jisungie? All you had to do was ask, I wasn't going to get mad, especially if Jisung wanted kisses from his Renjun hyung.” Jisung’s getting shy, smacking his head with the edge of his palm, attempting to hide behind those shaggy bangs of his.

  
  


“Well, uh, hyung. Can we kiss again maybe?” Jisung asks, and Renjun tugs him down, albeit being gentle. The butterflies start flying around in Jisung’s stomach, and his hands are getting damp. Renjun kind of wants to kiss him senseless, feel his warmth linger on, wants him to flush hours ongoing, but they have to take it slow.

  
  


“You know, you didn't have to ask, because I wanted to as well.” Renjun whispers, and Renjun kisses him, but the grin he's wearing is timid, like he can't believe that he's kissing Jisung. Then he cradles Jisung’s face in his hands, staring at him, and Jisung has to divert his gaze somewhere else before his ears starts tinting from all the attention he's currently getting. Renjun leans in, and Jisung’s eyes lower down to his mouth, without shame, and Renjun finally finishes leaning in. He kisses, powerful, yet simultaneously so softly, and Jisung is about to lose his fucking mind.

  
  


Renjun pulls away, much to Jisung’s dismay, as shown on the pout sitting perfectly on his lips. And, _fuck,_ can Renjun get any prettier? It seems so, as he looks brilliant, eyes crinkled, widened grin, directed at Jisung, and Jisung only. _Is this a dream?_ And Jisung swoons, at the sight. The already there butterflies are doing their magic with making Jisung feel as if there is absolutely nothing inside of him, except for the feeling that the bare minimum, which is usually glancing at Renjun, gives him.

  
  


Jisung Park is fine with having these butterflies in his stomach constantly, if it'll mean that Renjun would smile like that, every time they're close by.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all liked. Also thanks a million times for 50 kudos on my other fic. Will fix the tags later bc I'm kind of lazy right now
> 
> edit: oh my gosh, thank you, for 80 kudos, and if you read this, feel free to comment down below, bc comments mean a lot to me (*^_^*)


End file.
